Blessings All Ways
A couple decades ago I took on the study of the Enneagram and even became certified as a trainer. This exploration into the life of the human psyche is filled with mental, emotional, physical and spiritual insights that can transform anyone who sits deeply within it. The difficulty however is staying with the discipline, with a community of fellow sojourners and allowing the necessary time and focus to heal the patterns of a lifetime. I’ve been doing this along the way. The diversions and illusions have been many.
According to the Enneagram, there are three primary wounds we all experience in varying degrees. The most prominent wound is the one we try to avoid the most which puts it into the ‘repressed’ category. It’s the one that leads us to the greatest disintegration as repression always leads to disintegration. It’s also the one that brings the greatest healing as we ‘wake up’ to it and integrate it into our lives. The forgotten child within us longs for healing and inclusion.As awakening adults this is our next step.
The wounding and exile of our inner child from the pain of estrangement, betrayal and abandonment short circuits and corrodes our connections to one of the three centers of Life energy which we need for balance and an integral life. The feeling/relating center, intellectual/thinking center and the moving/creating center are the three that in harmony create a fourth which creates communion with everything. In repressing one of the centers we live in duality. With all three united, we live in wholeness and harmony.
I’ve carried the wound of estrangement most of my life. It restricts the energy flow needed to activate the power of feeling, receiving and giving love. This was caused by countless episodes of emotional abuse by parents I loved as well as other authority figures that were culturally conditioned. The unconscious question from this early experience of the loss of love is “To whom do I dare give my love?” This emotional separation builds a wall between the inner and outer life. The heart center is alienated.
The wound of betrayal comes from searching for a place to belong, a place to fit in and not finding one as a youngster. This leads to loss of faith in our own abilities. It causes doubt, anxiety and not having a place to call home within or outside ourselves. It cuts at the very fabric of our identity, our intellectual/thinking center, which results in inner conflict and doubt. The vital question for those with this wound is “In whom or what do I dare place my faith?”Trust in oneself, others and the world becomes an ongoing issue.
The final disconnection is the wound of abandonment. Here there is a loss of hope. These children have struggled with experiences of being rejected or left behind in many ways by those they cared about. This leads to a repression of their moving/creating center. Rather than living into the hopeful powerful possibilities of their creating center they repress it and wonder “Where or in whom do I dare place my hope?” Once again a loss of potential follows because of the lost awareness of the gift within.
To find Blessings All Ways, in everything and everyone is to start right here and now within your repressed center. Do you have a difficult time with love? Do you find yourself distancing, putting up walls that keep you aloof from feeling the pain, suffering, and wonders of life? Have you lost faith in your own abilities, your own intelligence, your own decisions and wonder why you’re so conflicted and doubtful? Have you betrayed yourself, lost hope in your value, your eternal embrace of infinite possibilities for peace? The way Home is through your wound. Embrace it, nurture it and live into it.
- With compassion and acceptance reflect on your early years of life. Explore the wounds of estrangement, betrayal and abandonment for yourself. Feel, Think, and Move through your childhood and awaken to the loss of love, the loss of faith and the loss of hope. Notice which one is the most repressed and help heal and reintegrate it.
- Recognize that in each repression, the way of healing is through you. It’s now time to give love to yourself in real and caring ways, to have faith in who you truly are and in the gifts you’ve been endowed with. It’s now time to place your hope in your essential abilities and wake up to the vast possibilities that you and others are gifted with.
- Sit deeply with the starting point of openness. Let go of your fear of lost love, lost faith, lost hope and embrace your estranged and wounded inner child. Forgive those who wounded you and embrace your new beginnings. Life takes persistent open attention to bring expanding love, abiding faith and everlasting hope for you and the world.
*For those of you interested in further study of the Enneagram, here are the contemporary authors and presenters I’ve found most helpful – Kathleen Hurley and Theodore Dobson – Richard Rohr – Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson – Helen Palmer. The earlier pioneers and deep divers are: G. I. Gurdjieff, P. D. Ouspensky, Maurice Nicoll, Jeanne De Salzmann and J. G. Bennett. Blessings All Ways………