Beginning Again and Again
A few weeks ago after my wife decided she was going to fly to Indiana to spend a week with her ailing sister, I decided it was time to take a private retreat to realign with the inner and outer worlds I was creating. We drove to the airport, she checked her bag, we said our good-byes and as I watched her walk into the terminal I turned off all the outside influences of my life. The phone, the computer, the television, the canned music, the radio, all of it went off. For the next week I stirred in the solitude of my soul.
I’ve done this many times before but with others or away from my dwelling place. This time however, I wanted to be totally alone in a familiar environment. I wanted to experience the call to a deeper awareness of Life itself, listen to the inner guides alone, discover a depth of centering that was out of this world, find a new beginning beyond where I was in the place that I was. I wanted to discover the courage to stand alone and find a belonging that was mine in an ordinary place as part of my day to day life.
The second night and following morning I found myself reading a novel out loud. I was listening to my voice like I’d never heard it before. It was the voice of all the characters in the story. Their story became my story and my voice became their voice. After many hours of this, it occurred to me that each of us choose the parts we play in this drama of life no matter what the circumstances. We tell ourselves and others we don’t have choices but we’re making choices everyday that change the field in which we play.
My discovery was that we can play any part we want to play if we’re willing to be a beginner, be courageous and embrace our hidden, repressed and denied arrogance, fear and indifference. We can co-create rather than dominate, co-operate rather than sublimate, be really clear rather than obfuscate. We can choose our parts and stand tall with vulnerability, compassion, clarity and a willingness to find a deeper awareness. Our not knowing can be an ally rather than an enemy and Life’s value can increase. . .
The days seemed to slip by in mysterious ways. I began to wonder if the novel I read out loud was reading me and becoming a feedback loop for me to reflect upon. The characters seemed to be telling a universal story of how we all delude ourselves and fail to realized the interconnectivity of Life thereby refusing to receive it in ways that are possible, powerful, unpredictable and playful. Why the seriousness, grief, fear, anger and antagonism? Why not courage, trust, intention, wisdom, love, joy and appreciation?
During this week of retreat I found my many selves wandering about looking for a calm center that could help them connect with the True Self I call Soul that’s connected with the the Great Creating, Meaning and Mystery of Life many call God. Somehow there was a catalytic convergence that helped me see in a way I hadn’t before. There was more clarity, awareness, acceptance and willingness to explore the possibilities and potentialities that were here but not embraced. “Do what you Love. Love what you do.”
Once again I found a sense of my own truth and ability to stand with my Authentic Self, to be the co-author of my own novel story. I discovered again that we don’t have to prove ourselves or pretend that we’re something other than who we are at our core. We don’t have to be driven by what other people think or project upon us. We don’t have to please others to be true to our Self. We can play the part that is ours to play and own it in a way that no other can. As beginners we inspire our own unique intentions in the co-creation of a new story which seeds the One All Inclusive Universal Story.
- This week go somewhere you’ve never been before, do something you’ve never done before and be with your Self in a way you’ve never been before. In each of these experiences become a beginner. Allow every so called failure to be a success. Learn something new about the Who that is Authentically You and the selves that are not. . .
- In your own solitude, read out loud to yourself. Choose a story with narrative and dialogue. Listen to your voice and hear it as for the first time. Discern what this voice and the voices behind it might be saying to you for your new beginning. . .
- Experiment this week with turning off your links to the outside world for awhile. Disconnect from the outer world with the intention of reconnecting with your inner world. See what comes through to you. Give attention to your inner intentions and discern where they are directed, where they’re coming from and why. . .
- Ponder what it would mean for you to become a beginner for the rest of your life. . .